Being alone is a scary thing. The thought of being alone forever is even scarier. I had a conversation about whether it would be better to never fall in love than to lose someone that you loved. My friend said she would rather never had loved because why bother even knowing that you could feel that good when you're just going to lose them and lose that feeling, potentially forever. I honestly can't believe that she felt this way just because never feeling love is possibly the worst thing that could happen to someone. I would rather have a moment of pure happiness rather than never actually knowing how that feels. It is worth the lose. After debating all of this we continued about how scary it is to think that we may never find who we are supposed to fall in love with. Not the cliched "soul mate" but just someone that meets expectations and is someone that we deserve, someone more than average. What if we never find that someone? Maybe it's vain to think that we deserve someone who is more than average, but is it really so wrong? I think I deserve someone interesting and funny and thoughtful and everything, someone who I don't have to settle for. The thought of settling is almost as scary as being alone because I want someone who I REALLY want, not someone whose alright that i chose because I'm scared of being alone. It makes me want to rush and find him tomorrow, so I know that I don't have to worry anymore. No one wants to be that cat lady. What if that becomes me? Seriously...what if the choice ends up being between being alone and settling for someone who is alright? I don't care how selfish that may sound, because in the back of everybody's head are the same thoughts. No one wants to settle. Everyone has these extraordinary ideas of what love should be and no one wants to give them up. So, I guess I'll wait...and risk being alone for the rest of my life? Hopefully not though.

give thanks

mmm thanksgiving. turkey and stuffing and family and home. there is nothing better than thanksgiving and being away from home at school has made me realize that. this year has made me realize how much i actually am thankful for. really great friends, a strong family, and a roommate who, no matter how much we might hate each other sometimes, stands by me through anything. this year i was able to get out of a relationship that was just dragging me down and no longer made me happy and I'm more than thankful for that. there is actually so much to be thankful for. I'm thankful that I'm happy at school and that my life is actually heading in a direction. I'm thankful that i'm finally happy because so many people aren't and they are stuck in this life that makes them miserable. i have a family that i can come home to whenever i need anything at all and that i will always have a home with real food and a comfy bed to run to. too many people fly by with life and don't realize just ow much there is to be thankful for. even if it is the smallest little thing, everyone has something to be thankful for and i'm thankful that i can see this. thanksgiving is one of the most important days we have, because it gives everyone a chance to slow down, even if only for one day, and look at their life and realize how much they have to be thankful. so i want to thank the pilgrims and indians for giving us a chance to have this day among all the other 364 crazy days.